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Can I Really Find A Younger Woman Who Will Truly Love Me....

In Russia?

One of the most common questions I am asked by clients is whether they can find a younger woman to marry in the Former Soviet Union (FSU). The answer is usually, “Yes, but with an explanation.”

Allow me to explain.

The culture of the FSU is a bit different than that of America. Over here, it is VERY common for men and women of the same approximate age to meet, fall in love and marry. To be married to a partner with a big age difference is seen as being very unusual. Many people consider it immoral, using such phrases as “robbing the cradle.” However, in the FSU this phenomenon is much more commonly accepted. Age differences of 5, 10, 15+ years are not uncommon. In fact, this is regarded as normal.

I think there are several reasons for this. First, due to wars and poor economic conditions, a younger man might not be financially able to support a family. So, out of sheer economic security a woman would generally start looking for a man who was a bit older. The hope is to find someone who is stable and more financially secure. Guys, this does not mean she is a gold-digger or wants a rich man. It is, in fact, probably the very same attitude your grandmother had when she was looking for a husband. The concern is not finding a “man with money,” but someone who will be able to support her and children in the future. Secondly, I think that many of the men in the FSU seem a bit immature to the women. Obviously, no woman wants to marry someone who is still a little boy in his attitudes.

So, yes, it is certainly possible for an American or Western man to find and marry a younger woman. But this is not the end of the story. The most important thing to look for in any relationship is compatibility. Without this, the age difference simply does not matter. With compatibility, it almost does not matter how big the age difference is. Almost.

You need to look at your attitudes, goals and interests. Then compare that to those of the women you are interested in finding. As a general rule, I would think that an age difference of up to about 10 years will work, as long as there is a general feeling of mutual compatibility. If there is a good match and good chemistry between the two of you, I think 15 years could work in some cases. But anything beyond this I would approach with extreme caution.

If your wife or girlfriend would rather go to the gym while you lie on the coach watching golf, this may indicate a problem. If she would rather go dancing and you want to just sit and watch a movie, again there may a problem. If the two of you do not like the same things, do not share common interests and ideas, than it probably will be very difficult to make the relationship work. This is just good, honest advice regardless of the age difference issue.

The truth of the matter is that a marriage agency (not all of them, but many) will try to convince you that you can marry a much younger woman, no matter what your age. This is simply not true. If you are 50 and she is 20, how long do you think that will last? Does she really want to be your nurse before she turns 40? Women are still women. For her to be totally happy, all of her needs must be met. The marriage agencies just want your money…most do not care one lick about your future happiness.

The bottom line is this: find a woman who you enjoy spending time with. Try to find someone who could be your best friend. Do things together—go to the park, movies, shopping, theatre, walking, trips to nearby cities and other attractions. Whatever. Do as many different things together as you can possibly think of. Try to see how both of react to each other in as many different situations as possible. Do you have more fun doing these things when you are together or when you are apart? This does not mean that you both must like the exact same things, or that you have to spend every moment together. That advice would most certainly be foolish as well. But there should be enough common interests to keep everyone happy and together and in love. If can be happy doing even simple things together, then age really becomes just a number.

Good luck!

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